What did the girl say to moses when they were in the desert for 40 years and she tried to have sex with him? Oh, Moses…..your dick is scraching my pussy! You took a sand bath agian?
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Sometimes women are overly suspicious of their husbands. When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset. “You’re running around with other women,” she charged. “You’re being unreasonable,” Adam responded. “You’re the only woman on earth.” The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be awakened by someone poking him in the chest. It was Eve. “What do you think you’re doing?” Adam demanded. “Counting your ribs,” said Eve.
There was this Christian lady that had to do a lot of traveling for her business so she did a lot of flying. But flying made her nervous so she always took her Bible along with her to read and it helped relax her. One time she was sitting next to a man. When he saw her pull out her Bible he gave a little chuckle and went back to what he was doing. After awhile he turned to her [...]
One late evening while the family was at church, a man was breaking into their home, he went into the bedroom stealing everything he could get his hands on. As soon as he entered the living room he heard a voice “God is going to get you!” “God is going to get you!” He pulled out his flashlight and shined it on this big bird. Well the man did not pay any mind to the bird and kept on loading [...]
One day a guy died and went to heaven. He was curious about how God lived and said, “God, how much is a millenium to you?” God said, “One second.” “The man said, “God, how much is $1,000,000,000 to you?” God said, “One penny.” The guy thought for a minute and said, “God, can I have a penny?” God said, “One second.”
One day a woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table, she had a near-death experience. She saw God and asked, “Is this it?” God said, “No, you have another 30 to 40 years to live.” Upon her recovery, she decided to stay in the hospital and have collagen shots, cheek implants, a face lift, liposuction and breast augmentation. She even had someone dye her hair. She figured since she had another [...]
Jesus saw a crowd chasing down a woman to stone her and approached them. “What’s going on here, anyway?” he asked. “This woman was found committing adultery and the law says we should stone her!” one of the crowd responded. “Wait,” yelled Jesus, “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.” Suddenly, a stone was thrown from out of the sky, and knocked the woman on the side of her head. “Aw, c’mon, Dad…,” Jesus cried, “I’m trying [...]
Dear Pastor, I know God loves everybody but he never met my sister. Yours sincerely, Arnold. Age 8, Nashville. Dear Pastor, Please say in your sermon that Peter Peterson has been a good boy all week. I am Peter Peterson. Sincerely, Pete- Age 9, Phoenix Dear Pastor, My father should be a minister. Every day he gives us a sermon about something. Robert, Age 11, Anderson Dear Pastor, I’m sorry I can’t leave more money in the plate, but my [...]
A girl is standing at The Gates Of Heaven when she hears horrible screams of pain and torture coming from inside. She asks St. Peter, “What’s going on?” He says, “That’s the sound of new angels getting big holes drilled into their backs for their wings, and small hole drilled into their heads for their halos.” She says, “Heaven sounds terrible. I think maybe I’d rather go to Hell.” St. Peter says, “In Hell, you’ll be constantly raped and sodomized.” [...]